My husband and I are generally pretty private people, and we keep our friend group small. I definitely don’t want to be the center of attention. Our relationship is ours, and we don’t bring other people into it. When I was little, I had the typical wedding day dreams of what colors or flowers I wanted, but when it came right down to it, I just wanted to marry him and I felt like all the other “wedding stuff” would get in the way.
When we seriously started talking about getting married, I was really torn. I wanted to marry him more than anything, but I didn’t want a wedding. Deciding that was ok and planning it our way was something that took some time to be ok with. I definitely felt some guilt when I told certain family members that it was immediate family only, but we needed to start our life together in a way that was best for us.
I had no interest in picking music and flowers and colors and bridesmaids, and for us, that was exactly right. We got married in a field on his parents farm and had our eight immediate family members there. We were married by a lawyer and had a photographer that was cheap and gave me all the proofs (he later disappeared from the face of the internet, but after we got our pictures *whew*). Our reception was a year later and very casual. We did our wedding in a way that fit us exactly.
To this day, when I tell people about our wedding, they’re surprised. For the people that really know us, however, it made total sense that we did it the way we did.
Marriage should be between the two people actually in the marriage. It seems to me that a lot of times couples bring way too many people into their relationship and on their wedding day, it becomes more about other people than the actual two people getting married. Between welcome parties, gift bags, wedding parties, etc. it can get to be too much and the two people that are supposed to be there end up getting lost in the shuffle.
Don’t get me wrong, if you want a big wedding with all of the normal wedding things, that’s awesome, but it’s important in a relationship to decide what it is that the two of you really want, not what you should do or worry about what others think you should do. It’s easy to succumb to pressure from friends and family, but keeping in mind that the two people who truly matter are you and your future spouse will go a long way in maintaining a strong relationship.
In the end, it’s important to communicate so that you both know what you want and to keep that at the forefront of wedding planning.