In our vows, we said that we can’t read the other’s mind. Reminding each other of this periodically makes sure we keep lines of honest communication open, but sometimes we mess up.

Last week was one of those times. I’d been sick for a week, I’m 8 months pregnant, and then I got an ear infection which prompted a trip to urgent care on a Sunday afternoon. On the way home, my husband asked what my thoughts were for supper. When he asked if I was cooking, I responded with a snarky “do I look like I want to cook?”

Turns out all week I’ve been wanting him to read my mind and take care of things without me asking. He didn’t know this. Because I didn’t tell him.

I don’t want to appear weak and have a tendency to push myself too hard and feel like I have to do everything, so I was waiting for him to figure it out. It wasn’t fair to him because he never knew what I was thinking, and it wasn’t fair to me because I would have gotten help had I just asked.

He reminded me that he doesn’t know when I can or can’t do something, and said by the time we got home he wouldn’t be surprised if I felt a little better and did make supper. When we got home, he had things to take care of outside and I did feel better. By the time he got inside, I had supper ready.

The next day, I took a sick day, and I told him that he’d have to take care of everything.

In the morning, he brought me tea. He took care of our son and cooked the meals. All I needed to do was tell him what I was thinking instead of expecting him to read my mind or just know what I need.

So remember, your spouse cannot read your mind. Even if you’re having a bad day. Openly communicating what you need from each other makes things go a lot more smoothly. If my husband is anything like other husbands, the best thing to do is just tell him what you need instead of waiting for him to figure it out.